Day of the Pygmies

Day of the Pygmies
by David Kaye

(This is a draft of an article for Scottish Bridge magazine which describes an unlikely victory for me and my partner in a recent Congress. You need to know that the Congress Pairs was supervised by a 6 foot 10 inch German called Horst, and held in an annex of the Hotel called The Pavilion)

It seemed like any other year at the Strathpeffer Congress, as partner and I entered the hallowed portals of the Ben Wyvis Hotel on a chilly, bright winter’s day.

However, we were no soon over the threshold when we slipped through a worm-hole in the space-time continuum, and fetched up in a weird and wonderful alternative reality, known to the locals as The Pavilion.

In this world, the Gentle Germanic God (GGG) Horst bestrode his kingdom like a Colossus, dispensing wisdom and bonhomie to the Demi-Gods and Pygmies alike.

At first we dared to think that we had morphed into Demi-Gods ourselves, but as we struggled to see over the bidding boxes, the truth dawned.

It was a privilege to breathe the same air as the Demi-Gods who gloried in their exotic God-like names – Jim, Tim, Derek, Sadie etc. Moreover, legend has it that once every Century a pair of Chosen Pygmies will rise up and give the Demi-Gods a right good hiding. Commonly called The Day of the Pygmies, in Spain this is El Dia De Los Pigmeos, in Glasgow – Numpties Rule OK.

(This section contains a technical description of a sample of hands in which the Pygmies enjoyed outrageous good fortune)

Blessed with this kind of luck, the Pygmies couldn’t fail to lift the prestigious Ross and Cromarty District Council Cup.

Writing this, I’m not convinced that any of the above actually happened. However, if I turn my head through forty-five degrees, I can see the magnificent trophy gleaming on the mantelpiece.

I can’t recommend the Strathpeffer Congress highly enough. It is firmly established in our diaries as a highlight of the bridge year. Why not give it a go next year. If the GGG smiles upon you, you could be the next Chosen Pygmies.

Not your usual stuff David. I wanted you to let rip with some comic invention about pygmies and demi-gods but I imagine you are constrained to relative truth if you want to be invited back. And would the readers of the Scottish Bridge magazine be able to cope with errant weegies and camels in Princes Street?

But congratulations on the win. Was it really just luck?